On Sunday, my roommates and I went to the cinema because we felt like our Spanish was good enough, after a certain amount of time here, to be like the rest of the people in Spain and do what people do.
There is a cool cheap oldies cinema on the other side of town that plays movies for almost nothing. It reminded me of the old cinema on 42nd street that played $2 movies back when I was in high school. I write, “Back when I was in high school” because it occurred to me this morning that my roommate was morn when I entered high school. I am old.
We went into the theater and saw Volver, a great movie starring Penelope Cruz, who is now married to Javier Vardem and is Spanish royalty. As soon as the movie got started, I realized that I have no idea what the hell was going on in the film. Not because it was a bad film-on the contrary it was wonderful. But my Spanish is still so bad I could really only understand when Penelope wanted to use the bathroom and when an extra asked her what time it was. I was completely lost.
My roommates shared my sentiment, so we decided to rent and American movie with subtitles. Frederique, my Dutch roommate picked out The Perfect Man, a movie starring Hillary Duff and Heather Locklear, and Big from Sex and the City.
This was much easier. We were able to read the subtitles, and felt much more confident in understanding what was going on.
The only thing was, this was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Hillary Duff is an absolutely awful actress. I had no idea she as so bad. The movies was an exercise in torture. I feel like Guantanamo Bay has nothing on this bitch. Why is it that she allowed to make films? I had no idea such things were going on in America.
The movie was about a girl who wanted her single mom to meet “the perfect man”-of course, as my roommates would say, it was a very American film. It starts out genial; there is a minimal amount of drama, and then alls well that ends well. I couldn’t wait for the end. If it weren’t for the constant reading of the subtitles, I probably would have stabbed myself in the eyes.
The funny thing is, I had to come all the way to Spain to find this out. I would have never seen this film under any other circumstance, and I actually thought, “hey-it cant be that bad.” It was.
Heather Locklear has had WAY too much work done as well. I don’t know why, but she looks like some kind of wolverine. Now I sound so American, because I sound like a movie critic.
My roommates tell me that that is extremely American as well-judging things in a negative light. I must say they are right. I realized, being here, that I am much more negative than I need to be. Maybe they’re right. Maybe that is an American trait.
What can I say; at least I’m not French.
Tomorrow we’re going to rent a Brittany Murphy movie. I figure. I figure we’ll keep the bad movie theme going.
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